I don't know why I laughed this hard...

...at this thing, but I did. Sometimes simple is funnier.

MY LEFT FOOT: THE CANINE YEARS

This dog really needs something to be pissed at.

Pro Westling Action Figures!!!!

With a shout-out to my good friend Aaron's wrestling obession... here's a lesson in advertising. In the late 1980's, after pro wrestling's entry into the mainstream, the WWF began to sell action figures. Here's an early commercial, which failed to play into the "macho" feel that pro wrestling lives off of:

And here's it's more successful counterpart:

CLASSIC DAVID LETTERMAN

I always love the viewer mail segments:

JIMMY KIMMEL BITTEN BY SNAKE!

Andy Kaufman would LOVE THIS!

Bush Apologizes... Kinda?

Watch the VIDEO HERE of Bush admitting some mistakes during yesterday's press conference with Tony Blair. He confessed that "Bring 'em on" was the wrong thing to say, as was "dead or alive", and also mentioned Abu Ghraib as a mistake. My first thought is that if it wasn't on video... or TRANSCRIPTED here... I wouldn't believe it. After all, this is the same man who memorably remained silent when asked the exact same question during the 2004 campaign.

So why now? Why stay silent for four and a half years (re: dead or alive comment) and then suddenly concede so much at once? Could it be the scandals? Could it be the approval ratings? Could it be the upcoming elections? I mean forgive me for not accepting these admissions with open arms... after all, these concessions most likely came with Karl Rove's cloven-hoofed "stamp of approval".

But let's also remember what he's conceeding here. He said "wanted: dead or alive" in October 2001 in regards to Osama bin Laden. A man who (almost five years later) is still wanted by the United States, and continues to make his voice heard from time to time.

He said "bring 'em on" in July 2003, just as the Iraqi insurgency began it's almost daily attacks against U.S. Troops there. At the time of this statement, roughly 300 coalition troops had been killed. Since then, slightly more than 2,300 have sacrificed their lives. (NOTE: I've always found it interesting that Bush made this statement from the Roosevelt Room in the White House, some 6,000+ miles, and endless amounts of security, from where troops would bear the brunt of his statement.)

In addition, during today's press conference, Bush claimed that both of these statements were "misinterpreted" at the time in certain parts of the world. But were they? Or, in both cases, were they clearly interpreted by those Bush was speaking to... and have simply proven the President tragically wrong over time?

Let's also not forget the statements that were made following Bush's "bring 'em on" statement by Democrats:
Sen. Frank Lautenberg (D-N.J.) told the Washington Post, "I am shaking my head in disbelief. When I served in the Army in Europe during World War II, I never heard any military commander -- let alone the commander in chief -- invite enemies to attack U.S. troops." The senator added Bush's words were "tantamount to inciting and inviting more attacks against U.S. forces."

Rep. Richard Gephardt, a presidential candidate who supported the Iraq war, said he'd heard "enough of the phony macho rhetoric."

Howard Dean, the former Vermont governor and also a presidential hopeful, said Bush's words "showed tremendous insensitivity to the dangers" the troops face.

These comments were attacked by Republican mouthpieces from sea to shining sea in July 2003. I wonder how they'll "spin it" tomorrow?

A huge thanks to crooksandliars.com for the video.

Do YOU miss Crank Yankers?

I do.

In case you didn't see the American Idol finale...

...this was , without a doubt, the highlight of the evening.

Michael Sandeki, a Clay Aiken-esque reject from the tryouts is brought back to sing a song on stage in front of millions. After about 10 seconds, Clay Aiken (not looking like Clay) appears behind him. The reaction is, how do you say, priceless.

VIDEO HERE. Thanks to TVgasm.

The best pilot that never got picked-up: Heat Vision & jack

In 1999, Jack Black and Owen Wilson (as the voice of a motorcycle) starred in a TV Pilot for FOX. It never made it... but has still built a strong cult following. Here is the entire pilot.

My brother-in-law (Bob) loves magic...

...and this is pretty friggin' amazing.

Watch this...

This is Rahzell. He makes noises with his mouth... that are... cool... and stuff.

Britney has ZERO baby karma...

To update those who don't know. 1. Britney has been photographed driving with her son in her lap. 2. Britney's son has already suffered a skull fracture from falling out of his high chair. 3. Britney was recently photographed with her child's car seat facing the wrong direction. And finally, here, she nearly drops her son while walking to her car, and afterward utters the phrase, "This is why I need a gun."

Help me Obi-Wan Kenobi

As the manufacturer describes it "Heliodisplay images are not holographic although they are free-space, employing a rear projection system in which images are captured onto a nearly invisible plane of transformed air."

UPDATE: SLEAZY POLITICAL ADS

In the Modesto Bee... Bill Conrad admits the mailer was his... stating:
"(Berryhill's) health is important," said Conrad. "It is an issue. None of my supporters have complained to me (about the mailer)."
The whole article is here.

Here's another story with more quotes from the "honorable" Bill Conrad.

Here's a pic of Conrad... in case you wanted to see what "EVIL" looks like:

Sleazy political ads hit a new low...

Republican Bill Conrad wants to win his primary for his California State Assembly Race. His Republican opponent Tom Berryhill had a heart transplant in 2000. Here an excerpt from a recent mailing:

The full mailings can be seen here and here.

More brilliant "Daily Show" stuff...

Watch it here.

Wait a minute... he rehearses?

CNN goes to Bush during rehearsal of tonight's speech. Do you recognize that look on Bush's face when he knows he mistakenly gone live? My Pet Goat anyone?

VIDEO HERE

Thanks to Crooks and Liars.

The Daily Show "Gotcha" Moment...

Jon Stewart and company catch Bush's speechwriters napping on the job.

Funny cats?

Why not? I saw this video about a year ago, and just came across it on youtube.com. Classical music and borderline pet abuse... what could be better?

Paulie Walnuts in Nexflix Ad...

Netflix has some cool advertisments... but this one featuring "Paulie Walnuts" from the Sopranos might take the cake. Additional kudos for letting the character call it "The Netflix". A lesser client would have balked at such a move.

Watch it here.

John Locke's sister perhaps?

"Paralyzed" woman gets up, runs from police

LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - A wheelchair-bound Los Angeles woman, who has repeatedly filed lawsuits over access for the disabled, got up and ran after police arrested her for fraud, authorities said on Thursday.

Laura Lee Medley, 35, had sued in at least four California cities over injuries she claimed she sustained while trying to navigate her wheelchair before she was suspected of fraud.

Medley, who claimed to be paralyzed from a drunk driving accident, was tracked to Las Vegas where police there took her into custody and then, when she complained of medical issues, to a local hospital, Long Beach prosecutor Belinda Mayes said.

"She gets to the hospital and while she's waiting for an examination, she gets up from the chair and runs," Mayes said. "Somebody remarked, 'That's where the great miracle occurred."'

Medley sprinted through the hospital corridors but was quickly apprehended by police and booked pending extradition to San Bernardino, southern California, where she is facing charges of filing false documents, attempted grand theft and insurance fraud.

Medley has sued the cities of Long Beach and South Pasadena and counties of San Bernardino and Riverside over various injuries she claimed she sustained in her wheelchair. She was also being sought on arrest warrants by the states of Oregon and Washington, Mayes said.

Source. Thanks to the boys from eDuck for the "heads up".

Why am I obsessed with Ashlee Simpson's nose?

Because she won't just admit that she had it chopped. It's amazing! Ashlee lip-synced on SNL... in front of millions... and denied it. Now she ignores constant photographic evidence. When asked about her nose:

"Everybody's already saying it, so I just don't talk about it. I'm like, OK, whatever. It doesn't bother me." But when asked whether the rumor was true, the 21-year-old singer didn't confirm or deny it, but just giggled more. "Maybe - who knows!"

Fuck Tony Snow... this chick should have replaced Scott McClellan as White House Press Secretary. She can ignore ANYTHING!

Thanks to TheSuperficial.com

Actual Headline or Sci-Fi Movie Title...

Doctors Save Keith Richards' Brain

Find out here.

Shirley Phelps-Roper on "Hannity & Colmes"

For those who don't know, Shirley Phelps-Roper is the spokesperson for the Westboro Baptist Church in Topeka, Kansas. You can access the church's website through www.godhatesfags.com... presumably because www.westborobaptistchurch.com was taken. The church was started by Shirley's father, The Reverend Fred Phelps who is most famous for picketing Matthew Shepard's funeral. Phelps' Wikipedia page (link above) might be the longest, and most bizzare thing ever!

The church has now taken to protesting at deceased soldier's funerals with messages like "God Bless 9/11", and "God Bless I.E.D.'s".

At any rate, Shirley makes an ASS (as usual) of herself... and gets more airtime thanks to H&C who resort to saying "you should be ashamed of yourself." Wow, how original guys? You think she hasn't heard that a millon times?

How about asking her why she has a hyphenated last name? This wouldn't seem to be "in line" with her father's hardline teachings about a woman's place in marriage. Phelps said this during one sermon:
A good left hook makes for a right fine wife. Brethren, they can lock us up, but we'll still do what the Bible tells us to do. Either our wives are going to obey, or we're going to beat them!

I wonder what Mr. Roper must be like.

Dubya the "soul reader"...

This story from Reuters is a must read:
Bush says he had glimpse into Merkel's soul

Bush makes a familar claim that he can "see" into people's "souls" to get what (he'd like us to believe) is a true sense of their feelings. It should be noted that this only works if the person who claims they can "feel" things, is backed up by previous "visions" that came true. However, Bush has never seemed to have a keen sense of "feeling".

The story also mentions Bush "soul read":
- In 2001, Bush said he could "get a sense" of Vladimir Putin's soul. Bush stated, "I was able to get a sense of his soul, a man deeply committed to his country and the best interests of his country."

However, in 2005, Bush had this to say about Putin:
"Strong countries are built by developing strong democracies," Bush said he told Putin. "I think Vladimir heard me loud and clear."

Let's also remember Bush's statements about Harriet Miers and "knowing her heart", and the alleged statements that Bush claimed "God told him to invade Iraq."

More friggin' political stuff...

With the resignation of CIA Director Porter Goss, reports are circulating about who the White House will name as his replacement. The #1 name being "floated" is the Deputy Director of National Intelligence General Michael Hayden. Sounds good, right? Well, watch this VIDEO HERE from January of this year where General Hayden is EXPOSED for not knowing what the Fouth Amendment to the Constitution says.

Not only that, he has the balls to admonish the journalist while getting it wrong:
"Just to be very clear ... mmkay... and believe me, if there's any Amendment to the Constitution that employees of the National Security Agency are familiar with, it's the Fourth. Alright?"

This begs the question, "What does it take to NOT get promoted by the Bush White House?"
UPDATE: Even this Republican thinks it's a bad idea to promote Hayden. Can you say "Harriet Miers"?

Thanks to crooksandliars.com again.

SIMPSON VOICES LIVE!!!

I don't know how I missed this when it aired. I always love to see voice-actors doing their character's voices live. Here's a heaping dose of Simpson's magic courtesy of "Inside the Actor's Studio".

EXTRA: BUSH THINKS TELLING THE TRUTH IS IMPORTANT!

Today on MSNBC's "Kudlow and Company", Lawrence Kudlow spent the hour with President George W. Bush. The interview touched on many subjects, but there was an interesting exchange when the discussion turned to "shady" corporate deals regarding executive compensation and the backdating of stock options. Bush seemed very clear on this subject by saying:
"My point though to Corporate America is... you know... people watch this, and they, they... overcompensating or trying to backdate things is bad for America and there ought to be consequences when people don't tell the truth and are not transparent."

At which point, my "Irony Meter" immediatley exploded. Watch the VIDEO HERE.

A special thanks to my brother for the "heads up" on the video.

I try to take pride in my (former) State...

...I really do. But stories like this make one lose faith, you know?
Parents arrested after baby has up to 200 rat bites

MEDFORD, Ore. (AP) - A six-month-old Medford baby was bitten by a rat up to 200 times after it escaped from its cage in the boy's room.

Police say the parents, 21-year-old Robert Horsfall and 19-year-old Maegan McCleary, found the rodent near a creek.

Police say they took the infant to the emergency room at Rogue Valley Medical Center in Medford. Detectives say the parents apparently believed the rat was a domestic breed.

They brought it home and kept it in a cage in the room where they slept with the baby.

The next morning they found that the rat had escaped and bitten the boy. He had from 100 to 200 bites all over his body, including his face. He is being treated for infected wounds.

A second child at the home was placed in foster care.

The parents are being held in the Jackson County Jail on criminal mistreatment allegations.

When this kid gets older and asks his parents about those "200 or so" scars on his body and face... what are they gonna say? Has any story that began with "found the rodent near a creek" ever turned out good? I didn't think so.

Here's the link to the original story.

How sad is this...

...this CITIZEN asks tougher questions of Rumsfeld, and rebuts more empty rhetoric than any reporter in the last five years. I just love when Rumsfeld adds, "I'm not in the intelligence business." No shit.

CLICK HERE TO WATCH THE VIDEO

UPDATE: Here's VIDEO if the "so-called" liberal media's editing of this exchange. It magically appears that Rumsfeld held his own. (Thanks to MediaMatters.org)

Here's the AmericanProgress.org page with Rummy's quote about "knowing where WMD was".

Ving Rhames on "Regis and Kelly"...

...to answer Ving's questions: Yes, you can say "leak" on TV... but No, you can't mime holding your penis at the urinal. Especially when your "space work" is so good.

Hat tip to Defamer.

Drunk Guy at Denny's Putting on Coat...

From Eric Appel's blog. Here's how he puts it:
My friend Aaron took this video of a drunk guy at Denny's putting on his coat. I added music and made what was a hilarious clip, even more hilariouser.

How they could forsee this amazing moment and have the camera ready (and still) is beyond me.

Bravo!

From the "Thank God They've Never Returned" file...

... early 90's "wuss-rock" band Ugly Kid Joe.

The first sign that you're showing too many repeats?

How about a website dedicated to NOTHING but letting viewers know whether this week's episode is a repeat, or not. That's what www.islostarepeat.com is all about.

Simply click the link, and get a simple "one-word" answer. Genius! And a subtle reminder to ABC, J.J. Abrams, and Damon Lindelof to get off their asses and create some new shows.

We wouldn't be so demanding if we weren't so addicted.

Hat tip to Screenhead.

More Ashlee Simpson bashing...

Two years ago, in a Lucky Magazine interview with Ashlee Simpson:
LM: What are your takes on lip-synching? Ashlee Simpson: I'm totally against it and offended by it. I'm going out to let my real talent show, not to just stand there and dance around. Personally, I'd never lip-synch. It's just not me.

Okay, so we know how that turned out. But she wouldn't lie TWICE, right?
Ashlee Simpson is featured on the cover of the January 2005 issue of Allure magazine. In the article, the singer admits, "I felt like my nose was big. I was always like, 'I'm going to get a nose job one day.' And I'm so glad that I didn't. I love my nose. I personally think that I've grown into my nose. I think it has character."

So you be the judge. Is this a nose job? Or "no" nose job?
A very special "hat tip" to Cityrag.

Evan Gatti likes POT... a whole LOT!

Evan used his once chance in The Price is Right's "contestants row" to repeatedly bid numbers that have "420" in them.

For those who don't know, the term "420" is very common in the marijuana smoking community. Here's an interesting theory behind the term. At any rate, although Evan didn't make to onto the stage... he's no doubt the hero of all stoners everywhere.

I know this sounds like a joke...

...but it's not! Web service providers (namely AT&T and Verizon) are trying to "control" the internet experience by making certain websites harder for their customers to access. In essence, these companies want mobster-esque "protection money" to make sure their customers can "find their websites". The entire issue is summed up by the words "Network Neutrality". It's explained as:
Net Neutrality prevents AT&T from choosing which websites open most easily for you based on which site pays AT&T more. Amazon.com doesn't have to outbid Barnes & Noble for the right to work more properly on your computer.

Don't believe me? Snopes.com took on the issue too... read it here. Regardless of your political affiliation... moveon.org has started a petition drive. If there's a right-wing petition as well, I'll be happy to link it.


This can... will... and MUST BE STOPPED!

Stephen Colbert at the WH Correspondents Dinner...

Colbert's stand-up is amazing. The "video presentation" could have used a few "edits" here and there... but overall... this guy's got some HUGE BALLS to do this in front of Dubya.

Famous movies in 30 seconds... with bunnies...

For the last year or so, I've been fascinated with Jennifer Shiman's "(insert famous movie title) in 30 seconds with bunnies". She started with the classics, like: The Shining, Jaws, The Exorcist, and Alien. And since has been picked up by Starz (the movie channel) to produce her animations for them. She's built quite the resume, and her attention to detail is remarkable.

Some of my personal favorites are: Pulp Fiction, Jaws, The Shining, and Brokeback Mountain.

The rest of her "bunny" stuff can be seen here... along with some other great stuff too!

Some cool Flash Animations...

The Toilet Online has some great "real audio" flash animation of George Bush with various Hollywood celebrities. They really have to be seen to be appreciated:
Episode 1: with Gary Busey
Eposide 2: with Bill Cosby
Episode 3: with Samuel L. Jackson and Christopher Walken
They also have a funny animation called "The Pubery Pals" featuring the voice-talents of Amy Sedaris.

These have been around for a while... but I realized I've never offically "blogged" 'em.

Oh, and you may want to refrain from viewing them at work. Unless you hate your job and are looking to move-on anyway.