Reason to own a Mac: #345

How about Apple.com's "Discussion Boards"? Not familiar? Well, if you own a mac (and have a problem) these message boards can be a life saver.

Recently I had a recurring problem with my "Finder" (and programs) crashing. For those of you who don't know what that means... imagine having something important in front of you one minute, only to have it dissapear the next. Believe me, it's a sphincter puckering moment if there ever was one! Too visual? Too bad.

I researched the problem and thought that maybe my RAM was bad. However, not wanting to lose my G5 for valuable days while in the shop. I decided to try the message board route. A few minutes later (okay, maybe 30) I had not only found the problem... but fixed it through step-by-step instructions left by another Mac owner who'd experienced the same problem.

Fixing MY OWN computer is something I never experienced in all my years owning PC's. Sure PC's are cheaper, maybe faster, and more people own them. But I'm sure my blood pressure has gone down in the three years since I left "Windows-ville".

The "Femur Buster 5000"...

...I wonder how many hilarious "springy stilt" death stories are just around the corner?

It begins...

...God helps us if there's something that comes AFTER picture #3.

Thanks "Gallery of the Absurd"...

...for faux products like this:...and faux ads like this:

More "humor inducing" artwork here.

My new favorite show!

Channel 101 is a "web network" with the noble idea of killing network executives and feeding their carcasses to enslaved public relations copywriters. Phase one of their master plan is to allow anyone (that's right, ANYONE) to create a five-minute TV program. These "pilots" are then voted on by Channel 101 viewers and THEY decide which ones go forward. "Genius," you say? "No shit," I say. The writers/creators of Fox's greatest failed pilot "Heat Vision and Jack" came up with the idea.

Want to know what my personal favorite program is? No? How about I tell you anyway.

It's a Mad Max-esque buddy comedy entitled, "The Wastelander" (pictured above). Last night, episode three premiered to much fanfare and won the audience vote hands down.

Wanna watch them in order? Okay, how about one, two, and three.

Other Channel 101 shows can be seen here.

Comment Moderation?

It's come to my attention that I people haven't been able to comment on postings here lately. I have no idea why this would happen, and why ANYONE would want to stop people from commenting on a post? Anyway, I went into the "settings" area and clicked some random stuff. If I don't see some posts quickly, I'll assume it's still not working... or that I have the loneliest blog in cyberspace. Either way, it's a informative.

The World's Greatest Regurgitator?

"What's a Regurgitator," you ask? Well, essentially this guy can swallow, and then puke up almost any item. I guess "World's Greatest Puker" doesn't get you on the "Letterman Show". In this video, he gives the old "stomach treatment" to: a lightbulb, a balloon, a nail, a billiard ball, and a large goldfish. The only thing more impressive than the act itself, is the amazing noises he makes while doing so.

I used to LOVE comic books...

...but never understood the concept of "Ghost Rider". A motorcycle-riding, flaming skeleton that sits just inches away from a gas tank? (in effeminate voice) Sounds Daaangerous! Watch the trailer here. Did I say "trailer"... I meant SEVEN SECOND teaser.

Also, visual effects guys never get the attention they deserve. And with the second link in this post... they still don't. Really cool work though.

Wedding day...

By the way, who thought up the idea of throwing rice at a couple running (while holding hands) toward their waiting limo? Whoever it was, we have to thank them for this fantastic blooper. Believe me, in the end, this story will be worth the scar, the headache, and the missed honeymoon. Maybe.

Also, how about 35 "head shots" in 32 seconds?

VIDEO PROZAC?!?

They finally did my friends... a natural way to make yourself happy beyond belief. I wouldn't have beleved it if I hadn't just watched it myself. As I type this, I'm grinning from ear to fucking ear! YOU MUST WATCH!!!!

Finger Breakdancing?

Yeah, you heard right. This guy breakdances... with his fingers. It's much less cardiovascular than regular (whole-body) breakdancing. Also, look for ABC's "Finger Breakdancing with the Stars", coming this summer.

More college stupidity...

This clip entitled "Bottle Won't Break" lets us in on this little known fact: A punch in the face is the punishment for failing to break a bottle over your buddy's head .

Are you a fan of "LOST"?

Care to read a possible theory into the why/what/where we ask every week? This has to be the most well thought out explanation ever. This dude's either a genius, crazy, or creator of the show.

VIDEO: Bush's "Brokeback" answer...

Bush is asked if he's seen "Brokeback Mountain"... his response is interesting to say the least. You can tell he's got something to say, but ends up getting a big laugh out of his non-response anyway.

Okay, here's your dilemma...

...you want to watch a movie, but you also want to hear the "F-Word" uttered as many times as possible. Impossible to satisfy both cravings? Well, maybe before wikipedia created their "Fuck list"... but not anymore.

First on the list? How about Rob Zombie's 2005 offering, "The Devil's Rejects", coming in with an impressive 5.13 FPM (Fucks-per-minute). I wonder if he just copied and pasted a bunch of "fucks" in his screenplay, and then just added a few words in between each one?

Surprisingly, South Park's "Bigger, Longer and Uncut" comes in at #45 at a measley 1.80 FPM, and "The Aristocrats" is all the way down at #70 (1.12 FPM).

They always return to the scene of the crime...

thehollywoodnews.com reports that the gang from Friends will come back to TV (for four hour-long specials) for the sum of FIVE MILLION DOLLARS... EACH!

It's also rumored that the series' three male leads (Chandler, Joey & Ross) will return for a new series entitled "A Guy Thing". I guess NBC was not happy with the diluted one-sixth strength Friends spin-off Joey. They've decided to step-up to 100 proof "Must See" comedy.

Oh well, hopefully they'll continue to cast their female comedy leads from HBO's gritty, dark dramas.

Okay I'll admit it...

...usually when I see a stand-up comedian walk out on stage with a guitar (or any intstrument for that matter), my asshole siezes up like I've just been pulled over with two kilos of cocaine in the passenger's seat. But I just happened onto this video.
The guy's name is Stephen Lynch, and he can actually play and sing like a masculine nightengale.

Which begs the question, is he a failed musician turning to comedy? Or a comedian who's years of late-night finger picking finally paid off? Either way, sit back and enjoy his innapropriate lullaby to a daughter!

"Re-shoot" for Queen Latifah's "Last Holiday"...

Believe me, I haven't come within ten miles of a theater showing "Last Holiday". By the way, I liked it better when they called it "Short Time" with Dabney Coleman. But it's seemed like you couldn't turn a channel without seeing the commercial where "Latifah" base-jumps as one of her grasps at life.

Now if they could promise a landing like this, I'd be first in line with my 10-plus bucks.

Singing cat?

My friend Mike (shouldveaskedme.com) is a feline fiend... in that he likes cats. I don't want anyone getting the wrong idea here. At any rate, here's video of a cat doing his best "Baxter" immitation from Will Ferrell's "Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy". Can someone say sequel?

Red Carpet Run Amok!

Maybe you heard about Issac Mizrahi's groping of Scarlett Johnasson's breast at last week's Golden Globes? If not, see the video here.

Then, today comes this AP story about the "controversy" entitled: "E! Reporter Rubs Some Celebs Wrong Way" .

Apparently, in addition to the Johansson grab, Isaac also looked down Teri Hatcher's dress, and asked Eva Longoria about her grooming perferences for her "nether regions".

Wow! What shocking behavior from an openly gay fashion designer?! I wonder what E! thought Mr. Mizrahi would bring to their "dignified" (and Ryan Seacrest led) coverage. According to E! President Ted Harbert, things went according to plan.

"I've hired Isaac because I felt the red carpet work on television, not just on E!, had become predictable, staid and frankly boring. What I wanted is someone who would bring surprise," Harbert said.

But this isn't about those nasty creatures at E!, or their flamboyant groping correspondents. It's about the helpless celebrities. Remember, the title of the article is: "E! Reporter Rubs Some Celebs Wrong Way".

So who were these celebrities that were "rubbed the wrong way"? According to the article's seventh paragraph:
E! has not received any official complaints from any of the actresses involved in Mizrahi's Golden Globes appearance, and no apologies have been issued, Harbert said.

What? No complaints?! But how can you title your story... I mean... you said rubbed the wrong-- okay, was anyone offended here?

However, Mizrahi's comment to Charlize Theron about her Oscar-winning role as a "scary dyke with bad teeth" in 2004's "Monster" elicited a formal complaint from the Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation.

Whew, finally a complaint. I guess "Gay Group Mad at Gay Man for Gay Slur" wasn't as "sassy" of a headline.

Why can't our ads be this shocking/funny?

Very funny advertisment selling (of all things) glasses. This is probably NSFW... but maybe not... you know what... why not wait 'til you're home. Unless you hate your job.

Remember "Subservient Chicken"?

Many people remember the Burger King viral ad where you could order a chicken to do things in a badly decorated living room. Well now, thanks to the same technology, you can order around three sleazy chicks at a makeshift car wash:They lure you in with commands, then sell individual stripteases for £1.50. Any time I need an exchange rate to see a woman naked... it just seems like too much work.

Snap n' Drag

For those of us with Macs (and blogs)... here's a great freeware app. It's called "Snap n' Drag" and it just might be the greatest screen capture tool ever. Just click and drag a window over whatever you want to capture (video stills even) and viola! Just like that you have a cropped jpeg ready to work with. Heck, I even "capped" this......to show just how easy it is. You can find it here. Did I mention that it's FREE!

Does your wife have a Stormtrooper fetish?

I found this site over a year ago... but only started blogging today. Chris Bartlett takes his "Dark Side" business seriously. He makes high-quality "neck seals" for Stormtroopers who constantly bitch about those breezy Tatooine evenings. He even has satisfied customer testimonials:
"It's the best neckseal I have seen. Word will definitely go around within my trooper circles about these."
- Elvin Vega (TK-230)
Ahhh, the mysteries of the "trooper circle"... will we ever know the secrets?

A Product Just for Men

Ladies (and moreso) Gentlemen,
This is Johnny Glow - - otherwise known as glow-in-the-dark adhesive strips that make nighttime urination a breeze. You can buy them (and see a cool animation) here.

Kiss casket?

Yes, you heard right. KISS fans can now be sent off in "white trash" style for just $4,700. Kiss online also adds this little tidbit:
In addition, "KISS® Kasket" can also be used as a Giant KISS® Cooler, enabling fans and their friends to enjoy ice-cold sodas and beer served directly from the ice-filled, completely waterproof "KISS® Kasket."
Oh, and one more thing:

The "KISS® Kasket." is autographed and signed.

Can someone help? What's the difference between "autographed" and "signed"?

Do you miss "Those Old College Days"?

Courtesy of WIMP.COM comes this video. Jeez, I guess those "Jackass" guys really ARE professionals. WARNING: Pain and cursing.

Where has Rick Moranis been?

I know, I didn't think I cared about the answer either but I read this interview with him, and then visited his website. Little did I know that the (soon to be) award-winning country singer has unknowingly written an anthem for my life. (click "listen" and then fast-forward to "I Ain't Goin' Nowhere") Shut-ins unite! Unite in spirit that is... from our technology-filled, windowless bunkers.

I know what you're thinking...

...a stupid pun for a blog title. Well, it made me fill in the "title" box... and it's the best I could do on short notice.

More to come.