IS CINDY McCAIN BACK ON THE PILLS?

John McCain's wife has a history of stealing prescription medications from her charities, and taking them to escape from the horrors of being filthy rich and married to a U.S. Senator. She's supposedly been clean and sober since the 1990's, but after today, I'd like a drug test please. In speaking to reporters today at a Tennessee hospital, Cindy McCain said Barack Obama has:

"...waged the dirtiest campaign in American history.”

At this point, it's unclear whether Mrs. McCain is altered to the point where she believes her 72 year-old husband is actually named Barack Obama, or if she's in a hallucinatory "alternate universe" where the two Presidential candidates have switched brains. Either way, it seems that Cindy is making a desperate bid to fill the void left by the death of Anna Nicole Smith.